OH MY GOD HOW I TRY

Yeah I try- Oh now Lord how I try
I ponder still - My thoughts are alive
No tears I shed - I just can not cry
My eyes wide open - Anger! It sets in
I learn from you - in life one thing HATRED
Oh yes how I try - I then wonder why
Why would life deal such a rut of smut?
I believed in myself - and with style
I wrote something often quite worth while
Now as I sit - I listen -is it out of jealousy
Every action has a reaction - I spout
I hate the ridicule and oh Lord how try
At christianity - My voice trembles some
I hear your words - your slanderous ways
I hesitate - I wonder throughout the days
I sit quietly - I continue to work
Knowing in heart as I still ponder
Your style - your resentment ! your cruelty!
So my work it suffers - and my face it shows
Reflections of the wounds - the hurt I trace
I hear the sounds of your voice - I pace
Soon I see bridges too tough to bear , I tried
The world a doom - your ego trip in society
What the world became - who to blame?
Ironically I am me - I am disgusted , I try
Yes oh Lord how I try - I wonder why
Why God - is the beauty of life so ruined
Thus I create words of wisdom through prose
I bought the rose - it sits , I ponder
Will it grow - now no man worthy of my heart
May it bloom and blossom in my soul
Shall each petal represent morality
My poetry with a different twist I start
You I rebel - this evil fact of life
I see through my eyes - beauty in my soul
I appreciate the creations , I love the sky
I see the beauteous hues , thus in my eye
The sunrise - sunset - I am mesmerized
But then I hear you - you destroy me
I AM vengeful - I detest it, but I say
You are deserving of my attitude
Now I write the words I create
To still walk down life's paths in life
To take the steps to be proud of my attempt
To create beauty in prose - as well
To all the jealousy I never so admire
Only time will tell - your colors are of black
In your soul - it shall go to fire
I see my friends who appreciate  in me
The beauty I write in prose - my poetry.